What I've Been Doing Lately (Have I Been Writing?)
What I've Been Doing Lately (Have I Been Writing?)
I think so many people, myself included, put too much stock into being A Writer. What does it even mean to be A Writer? What's the difference between A Writer and someone who writes?
I think it's the drive. I've been A Writer my whole life. I write for fun, not just for work or for school. I write because I want people to read my words. I write because I want to be immortal, but only through words.
But when A Writer stops writing for a while, what do they do?
I can only speak for myself, but…
Aside from being A Writer, I'm also a generally curious and creative person. From the years of, I think, 2015-2017, I was constantly drawing. I used to look forward to going home and practicing drawing hands over and over again, and it showed because I was rapidly improving. Was I An Artist?
In 2020, I picked up the guitar for the first time in a long time. I spent hours every day sitting on the porch and practicing playing my favorite songs on guitar. Was I A Guitarist?
I guess I’m all of these things. When I pick up a guitar, I'm a guitarist, even though my name isn't credited on any albums or soundtracks. When I draw an eye, I'm an artist, even if I've never sold anything in a gallery.
These identities are based in what we do. If I'm taking nature photographs, I'm a nature photographer. Lately I've been making watercolor greeting cards (shameless plug - I post those over on @starlessgreetings and maybe my Big Cartel shop will work someday) so I'm a cardmaker. I’ve been commissioned for a painting once, which is once more than a lot of people have been commissioned for a painting, so I suppose that makes me a painter. One who does still, by the way, take commissions.
I started a new medication this month that makes walking and standing easier. Where before I felt like I was being shoved down by gravity, now I feel sturdy like a tree, light on my feet like a fox. Also, the weather is cooling down a little. So yeah, I've been spending 1-2 hours walking per day, which is time I'm not spending writing or making cards... but I'm still doing something creative while I’m out there. I'm taking pictures. I'm thinking about rivers, trees, deer, squirrels, turtles, and the people around me. Creative people need time to rest, to observe, to do nothing, to let inspiration come to us. So, paradoxically, everything I do is part of the creative process.
I was just reading an article about how people feel more disconnected from nature than ever and how it shows up in our writing. People mention nature less often in writing than they used to, which shows that we're not as engaged with nature.
When I read that, my first thought was, "Well, not me! I think about rivers constantly!" And then I realized:
The very act of being out in nature is the source of my creativity nowadays. In a time when people are more disconnected from nature, it's very creative, curious, and downright rebellious to get out there and walk around.
So, during periods when I haven't been writing as much, just know that that's where I've been.
Meandering.
The source of my creativity, the outlets for my creativity, have changed. It caused me great inner turmoil when I realized earlier this year that I'm not obsessed with music anymore. But I still have interests. I listen to podcasts while I walk around. I'm obsessed with tracking how many steps I can comfortably take in a day, how high my heart rate spikes when I walk up hills, and how I feel while I’m out there. And lately, I feel fucking great when I'm walking around, so I keep doing it.
That doesn't make me Not A Writer. I’ll always be A Writer at my core, just one who explores other interests, because I'm inherently a curious and creative person. Instead of putting myself into a box, instead of limiting myself to one art form, I've been exploring. And I'm finally realizing there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not a failure if I break my streak and don't publish a book this year. I've already published 6 in total, which is more than I ever thought I would do. I’m still going to be tabling at the Georgia Indie Book Faire next week! So, yeah, I’m still A Writer.
I’m giving myself permission to not always be writing, even as I write this.
Maybe the inspiration will hit me again someday, but I'm not going to put pressure on myself right now. It's creative to let yourself wander. It's curious to try new things. And I guess, more than A Writer, I'm A Creative Person at my core.
How have your interests changed? Comment below. I read them, I promise!
I love you all,
Janvier Olszon